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Staying Open

 I just wanted to stare. This face that was so familiar, but so new. The face of someone I loved, but hadn't seen in person before. A face I had seen via video calls, interviews and photos. I wanted to listen to the voice, the one I had heard over the phone, in videos and zoom calls. I wanted to be close, as close as possible to this person who shared DNA with me. This person who shared similar trauma, struggles and victories. The strong draw to him, and the nerves surrounding this meaningful moment, caused a wave of emotion. This face, this voice, this heart, they belonged to my brother. A person I had dreamed about when I was a young girl. A person I felt guilty for wishing for. This meeting that we had wanted to coordinate for a few years, had finally happened and it was so brief, it still breaks my heart it wasn't longer. I left that beautiful weekend replaying it all in my mind, revisiting previous correspondence and dreaming of future moments we would share. I reflected o...
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The Map in the Mist

  Prologue There is something that is sacred about rambling. No demand of a destination or deadline, just the courage to wander and the wisdom to listen when life whispers its secrets. That’s what Reenie would say, or at least think, as she scribbled her thoughts onto a napkin at the coffee shop, her words weaving their way into the hearts of her readers. Today’s story wasn’t hers, but it was one she might tell, if only to remind us that the road less traveled isn’t always paved, but it’s always worth walking down.  -----   The Call of Somewhere Else Ellie Marlow didn’t plan on getting lost. She wasn’t the type to get lost. Her planner set perpetually color-coded; her sock drawer, neatly arranged by shades of white, gray and black. She wasn’t one to get lost or even proceed anywhere without a plan. She had a system for everything: meal prepping, grocery shopping, even “spontaneous outings”, which she scheduled bi-weekly. Somewhere between turning 40...
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You're you, no matter where you are

Sometimes, we imagine that being in a different location will transform us, but the truth is, no matter where we go, we carry who we are with us. While change can certainly lead to growth, our core selves remain the same. We recently returned from an incredible trip to Europe, and this realization struck me. As a family, we were no different in France or Italy than we are at home. My husband still wore his Carhartt shirts, baseball cap, and comfy pants. My son still had his music playing in at least one ear and was calm about everything. My daughter was still stressed about catching up on her schoolwork or practicing her upcoming solos, and I still found it hard to completely relax. My husband still tried to sabotage every photo opportunity, inspiring the kids to do the same.  The same insecurities I felt at home, I felt on this trip. I still preferred flip flips for walking over other more "practical" shoes and ended up wearing them the majority of the time. (Despite the ver...
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What motivates our efforts?

 A little over a year ago, I made an intentional decision to give meaningful effort and energy to people who meant a lot to me. I was changing jobs and was going to be seeing some of these people less and was feeling that in a big way. I invited them to my home for a fun gathering.  I wrote a personalized message to each of them sharing what they meant to me, and gave it with a small gift. Following that, I made efforts to reach out, dropping gifts by their homes, sending notes, texts, flowers etc. Then I gradually eased off, seeing who responded. The majority didn't.  While this was to be expected, it was also disappointing. During this time, I started building new relationships. Then, a big unexpected move happened. Again, it was going to change who I saw on the regular basis. I wanted to keep connection.  I wanted them in my life.  So I wrote, texted, sent gifts, etc. Some responded, some reciprocated, but most didn't. And then it hit me. If I am doing these ...
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