What motivates our efforts?

 A little over a year ago, I made an intentional decision to give meaningful effort and energy to people who meant a lot to me.

I was changing jobs and was going to be seeing some of these people less and was feeling that in a big way.

I invited them to my home for a fun gathering. 

I wrote a personalized message to each of them sharing what they meant to me, and gave it with a small gift.

Following that, I made efforts to reach out, dropping gifts by their homes, sending notes, texts, flowers etc.

Then I gradually eased off, seeing who responded. The majority didn't. 

While this was to be expected, it was also disappointing.

During this time, I started building new relationships. Then, a big unexpected move happened.

Again, it was going to change who I saw on the regular basis.

I wanted to keep connection.  I wanted them in my life. 

So I wrote, texted, sent gifts, etc. Some responded, some reciprocated, but most didn't.

And then it hit me.

If I am doing these things simply for the response, that's the wrong reason.

I don't typically think that way, I am used to being the one who does more because I tend to be a little over the top on that stuff, it's my love language.... but if I am sad or disappointed at the response, then I am doing it for the wrong reasons.

People disappoint. Usually the disappointment is based on our expectations, not their fault.

It is more often than naught, that people mean more to me than I to them, but that doesn't mean I should stop caring/loving/giving to them. 

There was a time when I said I didn't want to love any new people because it hurt too much to lose someone I loved or for a relationship to change/end.

I cannot live that way.

I love. Quickly and loudly.

My tokens, gestures, efforts, gifts, those are a reflection of my heart and I need to give it without expectation.

While it means the world when it is reciprocated, it cannot be what I am doing it for.

Is it true that if there is never any response it is healthy to redirect that energy to those who do respond? Yes. I am learning this all the time, while easier said than done.

All I am saying is that the MOTIVE I have when giving or doing shouldn't be for what I can get in return, it should simply be because I care.

Time will reveal those who truly care about us, and we need healthy balance on who we expend our energy on, but if we give, reach out, share, etc., it should be because we love, not because of what we might get in return.

This has been a profound thought for me and I am not sure I even shared it well here.