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Meeting My Birth Mom Part 2: The Gifts

After the initial meeting and conversation with my Bio Mom and her Husband, we met again to spend a majority of the following day together.

This day didn't start as smoothly as the first, but there were still so many parts of the day that were like little gifts for me to open.

Throughout this period of time of getting to know one another, I was able to see glimpses into the life of my bio grandparents and mom.  This is a gift I treasure.

I was able to learn of some of the hardships that were overcome by previous generations and present ones.  A gift.

I heard tales of tragedy, redemption and growth.  A gift.

It's like I was taken on a little journey of continued discovery about the threads that make up part of the fabric that I am, that my Bio Mom is, and where some of our strength to endure comes from.

Even as she would tell stories about her parents and grandparents, hearing her tell them, gave me more clarity on who she is as well. How she remembers things, how she feels about them today and how she reacted tells me a lot about her character, personality and heart. A gift.

The photos she gave to me. A gift.

The interest she showed in my childhood, past experiences and present, was a gift.

Sharing our faith with each other, and ways we've proven God is the One orchestrating the timing and path to this meeting. A gift.

Being able to witness the love her and her husband so obviously feel for each other. A gift.

Hearing of those who prayed about me my whole life. A gift.

At the start or this experience, before I ever heard back from her, I had a very long list of questions. Throughout our communications via email, and then conversations in person, that list became irrelevant. A gift.

Being able to see specific things that would be incredible between us if a relationship continued, was a gift.

Some things as simple as sharing similar humor, world views, dreams and so on, were nice to discover. A gift.

Realizing as I was leaving to head home, "I am completely fine if that's it" , "I'm going to be okay either way".  I had always thought this, felt/hoped for this. Hoping for this, that's one thing.
Knowing it in your core, a whole differing thing.  True Gift.

I hadn't realized how vulnerable I was in this until I had this clarity, it was almost a relief to realize this. How horrible it would be to leave feeling desperate for more contact, like a relationship with her would fill some void in me, and then have it not happen.
I realized as we drove home that I am fine without her.  This doesn't mean I don't want to continue a relationship on some level, just that I don't NEED it to be complete or whole somehow.  My fellow adoptees might understand the magnitude of what this means for me. It's hard to explain.

Learning of Bio Aunts and Bio Uncles made me desire to meet them, but as mentioned above, realizing I would be OK if it didn't happen.

When I say I know I will be OK if nothing further comes from it, does not mean it wouldn't hurt for a season.  Just that I was given this overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness that what I have in my life already is pretty incredible.  My next blog post is about this in more depth.

If nothing further happened, it would feel like a rejection of sorts which of course would hurt feelings, but it is a gift to be given the revelation that it wouldn't break me or take anything away from what I have and who I am. A gift.

Birth Mom, I hope that if you are reading this, you understand how thankful I am that this happened.
This picture is taken a few years ago on an ancient road. 

I feel like this is a long walk I've been on, but now I'm at a resting place with an unclear destination but a clear path to continue. Thankful for the rest and contentment here.

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