Reenie's Ramblings

I was watching a movie recently and there was a scene that made me laugh out loud. A complete fit of the giggles. It struck my funny bone in such a huge way I couldn't contain it. One of the people I was with, leaned forward and said "shh! You're laughing really loud!". First of all, I was not the only person in the room laughing. Second of all.... DON'T SHUSH ME! When I get excited, my voice gets loud. I have tried for years to "censor" myself in this... WHY?!  Because many have "shushed" me in the past. Here's the thing. I have tried to make a conscious choice to live in the moment... To be true to who I am and what I feel. Guess what? This means I may sometimes laugh loudly. This means I may jump up and shout with excitement. This is just a silly example of "being shushed", but it has caused a train of thought that I can't seem to get out of my head. Life is short. Fleeting. Do we want to live ...

We only feel discontent when we look at what others have that is different than our own situation. When we instead, turn our eyes towards all that we have, we feel thankful. Being content with what we have and where we are, is beautiful. This is not always easy to do, but if perspective is correct, it's really not terribly hard to do. So much to be thankful for.

Sometimes we go through life trying to be strong and unwavering. I like to keep it together and be "ok" with everything.  I have found security in the façade of "everything's fine".  I have had to recently give myself permission to not be ok. Sometimes experiences are simply too big, or too hard to "float on through".  It's ok to not be ok all the time. I know that vulnerability can bring growth that other conditions can't. I have learned that hiding struggles makes them harder sometimes.  Being real. Being open. Being honest.  This comes at a price but is so worth it for some experiences. Sharing our struggles with others can sometimes help.  It's ok to let your guard down sometimes and simply be real.  Be vulnerable and accept that you are not ok.  Yet.  But you will be. People may not understand what we are going through or understand the need to share it.  That's ok.  They don't have to. I am learning ...

After the initial meeting and conversation with my Bio Mom and her Husband, we met again to spend a majority of the following day together. This day didn't start as smoothly as the first, but there were still so many parts of the day that were like little gifts for me to open. Throughout this period of time of getting to know one another, I was able to see glimpses into the life of my bio grandparents and mom.  This is a gift I treasure. I was able to learn of some of the hardships that were overcome by previous generations and present ones.  A gift. I heard tales of tragedy, redemption and growth.  A gift. It's like I was taken on a little journey of continued discovery about the threads that make up part of the fabric that I am, that my Bio Mom is, and where some of our strength to endure comes from. Even as she would tell stories about her parents and grandparents, hearing her tell them, gave me more clarity on who she is as well. How she remembers things, ...