Reenie's Ramblings

 At three days old, I was abandoned.  Discarded. Cast aside. Unwanted. This is true. This is how my story began. My birthmother didn't want me and gave me up. At three days old, I was adopted. Chosen. Wanted. Loved. This is true. This is how my story began.  My parents were told they couldn't have kids due to some medical issues. They chose to adopt, and when they got the call I was born, they were happy and excited to pick up this brand new baby girl! What we focus on in life, effects our perspective and attitude. It can affect our relationships, success and health. I could have spent my entire childhood, focused on being discarded, worthless, unwanted. Instead, a good portion of the time I chose to think I had been chosen and this made me special.  This isn't to say I didn't have struggles with those feelings of abandonment from biological family, I definitely did. I also had struggles with trust and extreme vulnerability in relationships. But it wasn't my focus s...

"Want my lemon?" He used to always ask this when his iced tea came with lemon.  He doesn't like it, but I love lemon in my water. "Want my sour cream?" He doesn't like sour cream, and when it came on a dish he had ordered, he would ask if I wanted it. The other day, we were at a restaurant and I had to go to the bathroom. When I came back to the table, I noticed in my absence, he had put his lemon in my water and sour cream on my enchiladas. No longer any need to ask.  He knows me that well. When you are married a long time, there is a comfortable-ness that happens.  Sometimes this feels like something to be sad about, like your relationship has become almost boring. There is an excitement in the beginning of any new relationship that is special. Learning all about a new person, having them care to learn about you, is special and fun! Sometimes, when watching a romantic scene or movie, there is this thought, "I miss those days of butterflies and new rom...

"I am strong.  I endure.  I overcome. "Anxiety Issues" do not apply to me!" I had misconceptions about the word "anxiety". It's true, it can mean simply worrying about things beyond one's control. But extreme anxiety as a response to trauma or stress, is so much more than that. As a person who has prided herself on perseverance and being strong, my first anxiety attack caught me off guard and stung my pride... a lot. I had just gone through an extremely difficult and emotionally traumatic experience, so not sleeping made sense to me. The pain in my chest, inability to breathe, and numbness didn't make sense to me. I had a few of them in the days following the experience, but eventually they went away. A few years passed and I felt I had left that all behind me. I truly thought it would be an isolated experience due to the trauma. I was wrong. Recently, after growing stress from my job, and let's face it, the year 2020, I felt my ability t...

 Do we automatically assume the worst? When you see a family gathering, during a pandemic, do you automatically assume they don't care about the health of others? As a teacher, when a student completely fails a test, do you automatically assume the student didn't try? If you see someone who has gained a lot of weight, do you automatically assume they are "letting themselves go" or that they are eating too much and being lazy? If someone interrupts a lot, do you automatically assume they are rude? What if instead, we realized two things: 1. It's usually not our business anyway, so why assume anything; and 2. Most of the time, our assumptions are wrong. The family gathering from multiple destinations all got tested before they gathered. The student who failed the test was too afraid to ask for help with the concepts and simply didn't get it. The person who has gained a lot of weight has a major health issue going on that causes immense swelling and inflammation....