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What you feed, grows.


 At three days old, I was abandoned. 

Discarded.

Cast aside.

Unwanted.

This is true. This is how my story began.

My birthmother didn't want me and gave me up.


At three days old, I was adopted.

Chosen.

Wanted.

Loved.

This is true. This is how my story began. 

My parents were told they couldn't have kids due to some medical issues. They chose to adopt, and when they got the call I was born, they were happy and excited to pick up this brand new baby girl!

What we focus on in life, effects our perspective and attitude.

It can affect our relationships, success and health.

I could have spent my entire childhood, focused on being discarded, worthless, unwanted.

Instead, a good portion of the time I chose to think I had been chosen and this made me special. 

This isn't to say I didn't have struggles with those feelings of abandonment from biological family, I definitely did. I also had struggles with trust and extreme vulnerability in relationships.

But it wasn't my focus so it didn't ruin my entire outlook on life or ability to have meaningful relationships and opportunities for success.

------

They had a bond with her they didn't have with me.

She received more of the attention than I did.

This is true. This is my sister.


I had a sibling, a best friend to grow up with.

This is true. This is my sister.


I could have focused solely on the things that were hard due to having an unexpected sister that was my parents only biological child. 

The other side was there was also the benefit of having someone close to my age to grow up with. A close friend. A confidant. This was better to focus on than the other.

This doesn't mean that it didn't hurt, it just means there was also a lot of joy I could focus on and enter in to.

----

His life was over.

There wasn't much future.

Pain and suffering was ahead.

This was true. These were his last days.


His days were numbered.

He still had time to enjoy many things and was looking forward to peace and rest.

This was true. These were his last days.


My Dad had just found out his cancer was back, and this time it was everywhere. The doctor told him he had just a few months to live.

My Dad's response was "The best is yet ahead".

He meant it.

He lived his last days savoring time with those he loved, enjoying the nonstop visitors and loving those precious moments.  He spent every day with a smile on his face and ended up encouraging those who came to try and encourage him.  It was because his perspective was on the gift of days he had, and the hope he had beyond life.

He could have focused on how unfair it was to die at 55, how frustrating it was that the doctors hadn't caught it sooner or how much he would miss out on.

If he had chosen to do this, his last days would have been a lot different. 

This doesn't mean he didn't feel the intense pain as his body succumbed to cancer or occasional sadness at what he would miss out on with his kids and grandkids. He just chose not to focus on those things.

What he chose to focus on, effected his outlook, his relationships and his last days were actually some of the best days of his life.  He was daily surrounded by those who loved him and every day felt an overwhelming amount of care.

His last days still hold immeasurable meaning for me and many others.

----

I don't have a three bedroom, two bathroom, large kitchen, pretty house.

I don't have lots of room for all our company to be under one roof.

This is true. This is my home.


I have a cute kitchen, guest house, affordable payment and large yard.

We have lots of company who keep coming back because they enjoy staying with us.

This is true. This is my home.


If I focus on what I don't have, I am filled with discontent.

When I focus on what I DO have, I am filled with gratitude.

----

He never picks up his socks and leaves his dirty clothes on the floor.

He leaves his dirty dishes by his chair from lunch and never washes knives.

He wears stained and holey shirts because they are comfortable and he doesn't care how it looks.

This is true. This is my husband.


He is always, always, there when I need him most.

He thinks I am beautiful even on my worst days and tells me so.

He makes me laugh all the time and cheers me on towards my goals.

This is true. This is my husband.


If I focus on the dishes, dirty socks and ugly clothes, I find I am angry at him and start to notice every other flaw he has or thing he doesn't do.

When I focus on how I can count on him for what really matters, how he makes me laugh and how he is still here after 20 years, I find more things to love about him.

----


What we feed, grows. 

It really is that simple.


That doesn't mean it's always EASY to switch focus, it just means it's worth it.

The long term affects on our mental, emotional,  and physical health, as well as our relationships, make it imperative that we do a perspective check every so often.


What are we focusing on?

What is consuming us?

What are we feeding that is detrimental to us?


Turn the focus to the other side - it's prettier and peaceful over there.










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