Conclusions: Dont jump to them

A few years ago, I was at Christmas dinner with family and friends... a few comments were made about "If you just ate one less roll...." hints about weight loss.
I had been feeling bad for a while... had just gone through a scary pregnancy a year prior that left me with very bad infections needing several shots and monitoring to recover from..
I was definitely heavy and knew it, but also had been feeling very poorly.
Turns out I was 3 months pregnant.

I found out I was pregnant one week before I miscarried.
(It took me so long to realize I was pregnant because I didn't think it was possible to get pregnant at that point so I denied my signs.)
The week I miscarried was the week my Dad went in for surgery because his cancer was back.

Since so many didn't know I was even pregnant, and because so much was going on, it was a little secret I dealt with that only my sister and a very close friend new about.
I was weary, emotionally exhausted and still had a little baby at home who was less than a year plus a 2 year old son.

Needless to say it was a very difficult time.... Someone made the comment that they knew my marriage was struggling because they could just "tell". I was so upset I set her straight... my issues were the loss of my baby and the fact that my Dad's cancer wasn't only back, but he was dying.

Conclusions: When they are jumped to, they can cause intense pain and add to already difficult experiences.
When I was feeling horrible at Christmas, a person noticed I was heavy and acting lazy, therefore jumping to the conclusion that I just needed to eat less.
Those words and attitude towards me are something that still hurt when I think about them 5 years later.
When I was emotionally distraught, exhausted and physically weak, someone concluded that I was having marriage problems because that's all that "could explain your attitude".

It takes two seconds to say something or do something that can have a lasting affect, both positively and negatively..

Just recently, we were with some people and we were clearing the table to bring out dessert plates... my son asked "what can I do?" An older lady sitting at the table said "you can learn to sit there quietly and wait".
I was livid!
This lady assumed that my son was bored... not realizing that he was asking what he could do to help.

WHY do we jump to conclusions?!
Does it somehow do good for us?
Make us feel better?
Do we really have to jump to the worst conclusion about a situation or circumstance?
I'm not innocent of this either.
I have jumped to conclusions before, then been horrified to learn I was WAY off base in my assumption.

I realize it is what we do.
We assess what we see and try to discern what is going on and what is the underlying cause etc.
Wouldn't it be awesome if we automatically chose to assume the best scenario?
Jump to the most positive conclusion?!
Instead of thinking the worst, hoping for the best?
Yes, this would be great, because we would treat people around us in such a positive way.

Have you ever been in a room with someone you didn't know who was extra crabby and thought, "Wow, they are kind of a jerk!"?
The thing is, we don't know the back story.... we don't know that maybe that person just came from a funeral of a close friend earlier that day, or was fired, or just received really bad news, or faced a horrible loss.....
I've made wrong assumptions over a first impression of someone before that shamed me once I got to know the person.
I don't want to do that anymore.

Make conclusions only when based on fact, when you actually KNOW the situation.... this is what a conclusion is supposed to be.
You cannot conclude anything based on assumptions.

Assumptions can hurt.
Words can hurt.
They can also uplift and encourage.....

Lets encourage each other.
Lets hope for the best in each other...

Comments

Finding My Birth Mom Part 1: Searching

I've always known I was adopted. I am so thankful for this because it saved me from a lot of struggle throughout my childhood. I will forever be grateful to my parents for being up front about that. Here's my little story. My parents were told they couldn't have children so they started an adoption journey.... they planned to save for a while but then I was born and suddenly they had a daughter! A few months later, they discovered my mom was pregnant! My sister and I are 14 months apart. I never once felt resentment to being adopted or hurt and rejected by my birth Mom. I always had a sense that it was exactly what was supposed to be. Even still.... throughout the years, I felt a yearning to know her. As a child I would sometimes lay awake at night, wondering about my birth mom. Did she think about me? When my birthday happened every year, I always wondered if she was thinking of me that day. Was she happy? Did I have half siblings? Did she want to know a

When I met Grant

I remember the day I met Grant Campbell. I was checking on my son who was playing in the yard at our new house. As I rounded the corner, I saw him talking over the fence to a guy I didn't know. The guy was very tall, had tattoos head to toe and I was instant nervous-mama. I should have known that my sweet child was a better judge of character than I was. That man he was chatting with was Grant Campbell, our neighbor and later our friend. A few days after, Grant and his wife Michelle brought over a little "welcome to the neighborhood" gift and that's when the friendship was born. They became fast friends. The guys would go shooting, us girls would have daily chats, coffee and shopping trips together. They eventually moved from next to us to across the street. How fun it was to help them plan out their dreams for this house! There were many hours of dinners, chats, phone calls over the next years that created a deep bond between us. Then one day the

Yes, Go to that Funeral. It's Important!

I know people who say "I don't go to funerals". I get it. Sometimes they are uncomfortable. Sometimes they are painful. No one WANTS to feel those things, but I want to tell you why it's important and valuable to be there during those times. First of all, funerals aren't for the deceased, they are for the ones left behind. The ones who loved the deceased. The ones who are faced with loss. Let me tell you what your presence at a funeral can mean. It can mean "I am here because I care about you and the loss you are feeling" It can mean " I am here because the person who has passed meant a lot to me" It can mean "I am here because I've felt a similar pain". You may think your presence at a day like this doesn't have an impact but I can tell you from experience that it does. Those who take time to come share in a last farewell mean more to the family than can be put in to words. Even if you don't k

Think twice before you talk to someone about their weight

I recently had someone comment about my weight.... I have gained about 30 pounds in the last months and I started this year doing something about it... but when this person made her comment.... I wanted to scream, cry and of course, eat. When you comment on someone's weight even if it is in "concern" for them, you are putting them in one of these situations. 1) They feel great the way they are, confident actually, and attractive and now you've cast doubt on all that. 2) They are already self conscious about it and you just made them feel worse. 3) They are aware they are over weight, are already on a diet or exercise plan but now you've made them question whether or not to continue because they don't want you to think they are losing it for you! You know those snide comments or "joking" comments you slip into conversation? Yea, you're not that sneaky and they can still hurt! Weight is a very personal thing and unfortunately a str

Meeting My Birth Mom Part 2: The Gifts

After the initial meeting and conversation with my Bio Mom and her Husband, we met again to spend a majority of the following day together. This day didn't start as smoothly as the first, but there were still so many parts of the day that were like little gifts for me to open. Throughout this period of time of getting to know one another, I was able to see glimpses into the life of my bio grandparents and mom. This is a gift I treasure. I was able to learn of some of the hardships that were overcome by previous generations and present ones. A gift. I heard tales of tragedy, redemption and growth. A gift. It's like I was taken on a little journey of continued discovery about the threads that make up part of the fabric that I am, that my Bio Mom is, and where some of our strength to endure comes from. Even as she would tell stories about her parents and grandparents, hearing her tell them, gave me more clarity on who she is as well. How she remembers things, how sh

Reenie's Ramblings

Search This Blog