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You think THIS IS bad..........

It'd been one week since my Dad had passed away.
I was heading into a convenience store and ran into someone I knew casually. 
They asked how I was doing, offered condolences and then proceeded to say,

"At least you had time to say good bye, it could've been worse..... he could've died in a sudden accident."

Hmm.... yes, I suppose that is true.
I got to watch my strong, hard-working Dad shrivel into a thin, barely-recognizable, weak man..... losing his battle with cancer... I suppose it COULD have been worse!

I left the conversation a bit upset.... telling myself that the person meant well.
This happened over 5 years ago and yet I remember it clear as day.



This brings me to my blog today.  I have this "thing".

You could call it a pet peeve of mine....

Here are some more examples:

I was pregnant with my first child. 
I got a paper cut.... the kind where a whole book cut one finger.  
Multiple cuts.  It hurt.  
I was gripping my finger when someone passing by asked what was wrong.
Told them what happened.
They said " You think THATS bad, wait until labor pains hit!".


I miscarried 3 babies.
Someone heard and said, "At least you got two healthy ones!".


Me, "We are so broke this week..... going to be PBJ's until next payday!"
Response, "There are kids starving in Africa, you are lucky to have PBJ's!"


A friend of mine struggles with a lot of health concerns. Sometimes she is told "At least you have a supportive family" Or "it could be worse, you could be dying of cancer."

We have been experiencing a lot of smoke in the air due to fires north of us. 
Some people were talking about how much it has affected their asthma and allergies. 
Someone says, " Well, at least we aren't right there next to the fire, that's got to be a LOT worse"

I could go on and on... but I think you get the gist!


Ok.
Here's my thing. 

Every single person who responded in this way was stating a fact. 

They were trying to point to a positive.

BUT....
Their words either added hurt or guilt to an already difficult time.

Just because what you're currently experiencing isn't the WORST possible scenario, doesn't mean it isn't a real experience.

The loss of a loved one, a child still in the womb and so on, is VERY real and the pain is intense. 
It is true that it could be worse, but the pain is real.

When we are down, or sick, or hurt, its OK to FEEL it.....
Our struggle is REAL. 
Our pain is REAL. 
Our sorrow is REAL. 
We don't need GUILT added to what we are experiencing.

I don't mean to say we should wallow in self-pity or focus on the bad all the time...
I just hate it when a loss or pain or struggle is down-played by another.

Its a pet peeve of mine and unfortunately something I have been guilty of myself. 

Hoping to be more aware of it in the future.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my "rambling" for today!


"Just because a situation could be worse, or pain could be greater, doesn't mean the current experience isn't difficult or pain isn't real." - Laureen Robertson

Comments

  1. WendyAugust 26, 2015 at 9:28 PM

    {{hugs}} to you...ramble away, you deserve it! Cry a little or a lot...we have big shoulders... I hope tomorrow is a little brighter for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownAugust 27, 2015 at 6:26 AM

    I share this pet peeve. I'm glad I'm not alone in being completely annoyed by it.

    I love your quote at the end. It's perfectly awesome.

    ReplyDelete

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