Guilt - the joy robber

Guilt is one of those things that can serve a purpose, but doesn't always.

I am very affected by guilt.

For example.
As a baby, I was adopted.
A few years ago, the man who raised me, taught me to ride my bike, encouraged my love of music with his own, lost his battle with cancer.

More recently, responding to a deep-seated need and drive to pursue my biological history, I found my birth family.
All that research led me to my birthfather.
A man who wasn't able teach me to ride my bike, or kiss the owie, but a man who would have been there if he had been given the chance.
A man who loves me unconditionally and has embraced all the parts of me, my spouse, my children and my flaws.

I am coming away from my first getaway with just him.

As I enjoyed the extremely meaningful moments with him in a destination I have always loved, I felt joy, thankfulness... and guilt.

It doesn't seem "fair" that I got to be raised by a Dad who loved me and lose him, only to get another Dad later.

Guilt can almost rob me of the joy of the moments with this man I love and am so thankful I found.

Guilt that I was spending time away from my family, even though the time with him was so needed and so precious, providing healing for my heart.

Guilt that I can't give him more that I already do.

I hate that guilt can creep in so easily.

And wow, Mom guilt is a whole different animal.
I felt guilty when I chose to stay home, struggling financially even though I knew it was the best choice for us. (I have no regrets with this whatsoever, just felt guilt during that season)

Guilty when I went back to work full time because there was an hour every day after school where I wasn't with them, or that I had less to give them when I came home, exhausted from the stress of my position, which led to guilt at the house not being kept up well enough etc. and so on.....

Mom guilt causes us to question the food we buy, the hour we go to bed, the friends we keep, our gut feeling and so much more.
There was a season where my only contribution to our family's income was Pampered Chef.
I would feel guilty when I was away at a show. (even though it was for income our family needed and rarely more than 8 times a month.)
Then, I would feel guilty if I was home TOO much and not making enough effort to build my business.
Guilt took away the potential for winning.
I was a loser either way. Thankfully, that season of feeling that way was short.

"Guilt takes away the potential for winning"

I can find myself opting out of experiences and opportunities because of guilt.

While I am aware of this and am learning to ignore that, it still is something for me to struggle with.

I made a conscious decision when my Dad died, that I would try and be more present.

I wanted to take more photos, capture more memories and moments with those I love.

I wanted to make sure I told people what they meant to me while I still had them, not when they've passed on.

I wanted to live in the moment, grasp joy wherever it can be found and live with no regrets

I can honestly say I have been doing better than I used to, being present, seeking experiences, joy.

But every so often, the robber of it all, guilt, rears it's head and says "remember me?".

Here's to encouraging you (and reminding myself) to ignore that voice, guilt.

It's one thing to feel guilt for doing something wrong.
Feeling guilt for simply enjoying a blessing, a joy, an experience or positive relationship, isn't what guilt is for.

It's not a matter of "deserving" or "earning" joy.

It's about valuing and accepting the good that comes when it comes.

Don't let guilt take those moments/experiences/relationships away from you.

Comments

Finding My Birth Mom Part 1: Searching

I've always known I was adopted. I am so thankful for this because it saved me from a lot of struggle throughout my childhood. I will forever be grateful to my parents for being up front about that. Here's my little story. My parents were told they couldn't have children so they started an adoption journey.... they planned to save for a while but then I was born and suddenly they had a daughter! A few months later, they discovered my mom was pregnant! My sister and I are 14 months apart. I never once felt resentment to being adopted or hurt and rejected by my birth Mom. I always had a sense that it was exactly what was supposed to be. Even still.... throughout the years, I felt a yearning to know her. As a child I would sometimes lay awake at night, wondering about my birth mom. Did she think about me? When my birthday happened every year, I always wondered if she was thinking of me that day. Was she happy? Did I have half siblings? Did she want to know a

When I met Grant

I remember the day I met Grant Campbell. I was checking on my son who was playing in the yard at our new house. As I rounded the corner, I saw him talking over the fence to a guy I didn't know. The guy was very tall, had tattoos head to toe and I was instant nervous-mama. I should have known that my sweet child was a better judge of character than I was. That man he was chatting with was Grant Campbell, our neighbor and later our friend. A few days after, Grant and his wife Michelle brought over a little "welcome to the neighborhood" gift and that's when the friendship was born. They became fast friends. The guys would go shooting, us girls would have daily chats, coffee and shopping trips together. They eventually moved from next to us to across the street. How fun it was to help them plan out their dreams for this house! There were many hours of dinners, chats, phone calls over the next years that created a deep bond between us. Then one day the

Yes, Go to that Funeral. It's Important!

I know people who say "I don't go to funerals". I get it. Sometimes they are uncomfortable. Sometimes they are painful. No one WANTS to feel those things, but I want to tell you why it's important and valuable to be there during those times. First of all, funerals aren't for the deceased, they are for the ones left behind. The ones who loved the deceased. The ones who are faced with loss. Let me tell you what your presence at a funeral can mean. It can mean "I am here because I care about you and the loss you are feeling" It can mean " I am here because the person who has passed meant a lot to me" It can mean "I am here because I've felt a similar pain". You may think your presence at a day like this doesn't have an impact but I can tell you from experience that it does. Those who take time to come share in a last farewell mean more to the family than can be put in to words. Even if you don't k

Think twice before you talk to someone about their weight

I recently had someone comment about my weight.... I have gained about 30 pounds in the last months and I started this year doing something about it... but when this person made her comment.... I wanted to scream, cry and of course, eat. When you comment on someone's weight even if it is in "concern" for them, you are putting them in one of these situations. 1) They feel great the way they are, confident actually, and attractive and now you've cast doubt on all that. 2) They are already self conscious about it and you just made them feel worse. 3) They are aware they are over weight, are already on a diet or exercise plan but now you've made them question whether or not to continue because they don't want you to think they are losing it for you! You know those snide comments or "joking" comments you slip into conversation? Yea, you're not that sneaky and they can still hurt! Weight is a very personal thing and unfortunately a str

Meeting My Birth Mom Part 2: The Gifts

After the initial meeting and conversation with my Bio Mom and her Husband, we met again to spend a majority of the following day together. This day didn't start as smoothly as the first, but there were still so many parts of the day that were like little gifts for me to open. Throughout this period of time of getting to know one another, I was able to see glimpses into the life of my bio grandparents and mom. This is a gift I treasure. I was able to learn of some of the hardships that were overcome by previous generations and present ones. A gift. I heard tales of tragedy, redemption and growth. A gift. It's like I was taken on a little journey of continued discovery about the threads that make up part of the fabric that I am, that my Bio Mom is, and where some of our strength to endure comes from. Even as she would tell stories about her parents and grandparents, hearing her tell them, gave me more clarity on who she is as well. How she remembers things, how sh

Reenie's Ramblings

Search This Blog