Guilt - the joy robber

Guilt is one of those things that can serve a purpose, but doesn't always.

I am very affected by guilt.

For example.
As a baby, I was adopted.
A few years ago, the man who raised me, taught me to ride my bike, encouraged my love of music with his own, lost his battle with cancer.

More recently, responding to a deep-seated need and drive to pursue my biological history, I found my birth family.
All that research led me to my birthfather.
A man who wasn't able teach me to ride my bike, or kiss the owie, but a man who would have been there if he had been given the chance.
A man who loves me unconditionally and has embraced all the parts of me, my spouse, my children and my flaws.

I am coming away from my first getaway with just him.

As I enjoyed the extremely meaningful moments with him in a destination I have always loved, I felt joy, thankfulness... and guilt.

It doesn't seem "fair" that I got to be raised by a Dad who loved me and lose him, only to get another Dad later.

Guilt can almost rob me of the joy of the moments with this man I love and am so thankful I found.

Guilt that I was spending time away from my family, even though the time with him was so needed and so precious, providing healing for my heart.

Guilt that I can't give him more that I already do.

I hate that guilt can creep in so easily.

And wow, Mom guilt is a whole different animal.
I felt guilty when I chose to stay home, struggling financially even though I knew it was the best choice for us. (I have no regrets with this whatsoever, just felt guilt during that season)

Guilty when I went back to work full time because there was an hour every day after school where I wasn't with them, or that I had less to give them when I came home, exhausted from the stress of my position, which led to guilt at the house not being kept up well enough etc. and so on.....

Mom guilt causes us to question the food we buy, the hour we go to bed, the friends we keep, our gut feeling and so much more.
There was a season where my only contribution to our family's income was Pampered Chef.
I would feel guilty when I was away at a show. (even though it was for income our family needed and rarely more than 8 times a month.)
Then, I would feel guilty if I was home TOO much and not making enough effort to build my business.
Guilt took away the potential for winning.
I was a loser either way. Thankfully, that season of feeling that way was short.

"Guilt takes away the potential for winning"

I can find myself opting out of experiences and opportunities because of guilt.

While I am aware of this and am learning to ignore that, it still is something for me to struggle with.

I made a conscious decision when my Dad died, that I would try and be more present.

I wanted to take more photos, capture more memories and moments with those I love.

I wanted to make sure I told people what they meant to me while I still had them, not when they've passed on.

I wanted to live in the moment, grasp joy wherever it can be found and live with no regrets

I can honestly say I have been doing better than I used to, being present, seeking experiences, joy.

But every so often, the robber of it all, guilt, rears it's head and says "remember me?".

Here's to encouraging you (and reminding myself) to ignore that voice, guilt.

It's one thing to feel guilt for doing something wrong.
Feeling guilt for simply enjoying a blessing, a joy, an experience or positive relationship, isn't what guilt is for.

It's not a matter of "deserving" or "earning" joy.

It's about valuing and accepting the good that comes when it comes.

Don't let guilt take those moments/experiences/relationships away from you.

Comments

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