Selective Forgiveness

We all have experienced selective hearing. Whether it's someone pretending to not hear something, or us choosing to "not hear" something ourselves.

But what about selective forgiveness?

Being able to forgive is one of the most important things we can do if we desire peace in our lives.

It's easy to forgive minor transgressions of those we love.

What about those things that hurt us in our core?

What about those experiences that hurt those we love?

If we truly want to understand forgiveness and what it means, we must be able to forgive all.

We all want to be forgiven, and we understand the value and liberty that come with being forgiven, but do we withhold that from others when it seems to cost too much?

I don't want to have selective forgiveness.

As much as I need to be forgiven, I want to forgive.

For those of you who followed my adoption story and biological family connection journey, I have felt it on my heart to read through all correspondence with Birthmom.

Time heals a lot, and the pain I felt through the experience with her has lessened and I find her on my mind a lot these days.

So, I read through all letters, emails, texts and cards I have from her.

Reading the words with an open mind and softened heart, I heard things from her I hadn't noticed before and felt a softening towards her that I haven't felt in years.

It got me to thinking about forgiveness.

The experience with her and one in our community that affected our children, have been the two most difficult experiences for me to find the ability to forgive. Ironically they happened around the same time and affected my health, physical and emotional.

Someone told me one time, "You will know you have actually forgiven someone when you can wish for positive things for them".

The person who hurt my children, myself and others I care about in our community and birthmom's actions at the end, have been difficult to forgive. This is partially because they haven't asked to be forgiven or shown any remorse, but also because the wounds were so deep, the hurt so engulfing, and the affects long lasting.

Even so, forgiveness is required.

I am thankful to have reached a point where I feel capable of forgiving.

When we forgive others, we see them differently.
This is what I experienced as I read birthmom's words to me.

There may never be apologies from her or the other person who hurt our family, but that won't take away the peace.

There is a part of us that wants to pursue "justice", even seek revenge, but this doesn't lead to peace.

I want to live with peace.

Comments

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