Invisible

She could feel it.

The fading away to nothing.

The slipping into the cracks and folds of existence.

The weight of it all was so heavy, and she felt her drive and her joy disappearing.

Each day she felt pieces of her core being chipped away by the merciless injustice that was pummeling her, over and over again.

Everything she had given, everything she had done, didn't seem to matter anymore.

Sorrow was a well-known and much-visited friend.

Defeat.

She never thought she would reach defeat, but here she was, standing at the doorstep of defeat, trying to find the strength to step back from it.

Angry.

She was so angry that she wasn't strong enough to overcome it all.

Angry that she let those who harmed her have space in her thoughts.

Angry that things beyond her control still hurt her heart.

Angry that she couldn't "snap out of it".

Angry that she gave to those who didn't care about what was given.

Tired.

She was so tired, so weary, it was almost a miracle she faced each day.

Trapped.

Oh! How trapped she felt!

It felt like change was an impossibility.

Deep down she knew it wasn't impossible, but she felt trapped, incapable of moving.

She had spent her whole life being told she was "a lot", that she was the "sunshine", the bubbly energy and the one no one could ignore.

Imagine her surprise and shock to find that now, she was invisible.

At least that's how she felt.

It wasn't invisible to ALL, but invisible to most.

The invisibility that plagued her, hurt.

The pain was a physical manifestation, a health-destroying cancer that consumed her.

The ones that still saw her, even in her invisibility, were like lifelines in the stormiest sea.

Their lifeline hurt her heart though.

She felt so much guilt and sorrow and shame at them seeing her in this vulnerable and weakened state.

This was because the ones who actually saw her, saw all of her.

She hated that the ones who saw her, saw her pain, and therefore were filled with their own worry.

She HATED that she gave that to them.

The path felt so lonely at times.

She stands.

She turns her eyes towards HOPE.

She remembers what matters.

She arms herself with the love of her family and closest friends.

She WILLS herself to find a way to survive.

She makes a promise to herself that she will find out where she can reside, visibly.

She knows it won't be easy, and she is slightly afraid, but she knows that she has to for the ones she loves the most.

She simply has to.

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