There are no Coincidences

They were just starting out, hopeful for the future and finding their place in the world.

He pursued a new career due to financial needs, so did she.

It may have seemed a coincidence that his work connected him with Patti and hers did too. But it wasn’t.

They both enjoyed her and she seemed to enjoy them.

There was a connection that maybe at face value didn’t make sense, but was real for all involved.

Life takes people on all kinds of paths and all kinds of journeys.

After sharing many conversations and moments together, life took them on separating paths.

Years passed.

A social media site allowed them to reconnect.

In the years that passed, she felt a desire to know who her family was, where she came from etc.

She pursued all the avenues she could until she found her birthmom.

That experience brought intense pain and trauma for her and her family, but also left her with questions she hadn’t thought about asking before.

This may seem a coincidence, but it wasn’t.

As she pursued the answer to the rest of her heritage and story, her family was afraid for her.

The birthmom experience had almost destroyed her and they had been so scared during that time, they didn’t want to see her go through that again.

So she persisted with the intention of finding answers, not connecting.

The amount of hours she put into it would be impossible to measure.

Days, weeks, months of late nights, little to no sleep researching, searching.

Dead end after dead end.

One day she found him.

In finding him, she was surprised to feel a prompting to reach out.

With fear, she pursued it.

He responded within 3 hours.

This may seem like a coincidence, but it wasn’t.

They connected, she got answers, he got a family he had wanted but had begun to think wasn’t possible.

The timing of him losing his parents and discovering he had a daughter may seem like a coincidence, but it wasn't.

They worked to build a relationship, committed to making up for lost time.

They got together when they could.

Each time, they learned more about each other and found that love was involuntary and trust

was growing too.

It was a precious and special season.

– – – – – –

A photo.

A comment.

That’s it.

She knew if she introduced them to each other, they would probably like one another, but she

didn’t want to presume that either was interested in a sort of “blind” connection.

So she asked her Dad if he was open to connecting with Patti.

He asked a little about her and to see a photo.

She asked Patti if she was interested and she said she was open to anything, life was teaching her the value of being open.

She knew they had a lot in common and could be great friends, but she was a little nervous, not wanting to pressure or let either of them down. She cared about both of them.

It soon became obvious they were a good match.

Then a pandemic hit.

While there were many challenges that this brought to the world and to them, it opened up opportunities for the two newly connected lovebirds to be able to connect in deeper, meaningful ways.

This may seem like a coincidence, but it wasn’t.

As they grew closer, she was happy to see their happiness.

As she gave up what was some of her time to get to know her Dad, it was worth it to see two people she loved, finding happiness and meaningful love in each other.

She knew that as much as she sometimes felt left out, or as his focus was on his new love, it was worth it because they both deserved this happiness and it would eventually, one day, mean a family was created from it all.

They had a lifetime ahead to connect, and getting to know this side of her Dad through him loving Patti, was a gift in itself.

When she found out they were indeed committing to each other completely, she looked back and reflected on all the life choices, experiences and trials that led to that moment.

She thought about how her little family had moved to where they had moved, and all that went into that.

Things that could have seemed a coincidence, but weren't.

The list of moments, and promptings and choices, was a long a list.

Not accidental, each move and choice had a purpose.

Life is unpredictable, and no one could have seen the friendship becoming a family relationship decades later, but that's what happened.

There are no coincidences.

Who we meet, who we connect with, where we live... it all matters.

Comments

Finding My Birth Mom Part 1: Searching

I've always known I was adopted. I am so thankful for this because it saved me from a lot of struggle throughout my childhood. I will forever be grateful to my parents for being up front about that. Here's my little story. My parents were told they couldn't have children so they started an adoption journey.... they planned to save for a while but then I was born and suddenly they had a daughter! A few months later, they discovered my mom was pregnant! My sister and I are 14 months apart. I never once felt resentment to being adopted or hurt and rejected by my birth Mom. I always had a sense that it was exactly what was supposed to be. Even still.... throughout the years, I felt a yearning to know her. As a child I would sometimes lay awake at night, wondering about my birth mom. Did she think about me? When my birthday happened every year, I always wondered if she was thinking of me that day. Was she happy? Did I have half sibli...

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I remember the day I met Grant Campbell. I was checking on my son who was playing in the yard at our new house. As I rounded the corner, I saw him talking over the fence to a guy I didn't know. The guy was very tall, had tattoos head to toe and I was instant nervous-mama. I should have known that my sweet child was a better judge of character than I was. That man he was chatting with was Grant Campbell, our neighbor and later our friend. A few days after, Grant and his wife Michelle brought over a little "welcome to the neighborhood" gift and that's when the friendship was born. They became fast friends. The guys would go shooting, us girls would have daily chats, coffee and shopping trips together. They eventually moved from next to us to across the street. How fun it was to help them plan out their dreams for this house! There were many hours of dinners, chats, phone calls over the next years that created a deep bond betw...

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I know people who say "I don't go to funerals". I get it. Sometimes they are uncomfortable. Sometimes they are painful. No one WANTS to feel those things, but I want to tell you why it's important and valuable to be there during those times. First of all, funerals aren't for the deceased, they are for the ones left behind. The ones who loved the deceased. The ones who are faced with loss. Let me tell you what your presence at a funeral can mean. It can mean "I am here because I care about you and the loss you are feeling" It can mean " I am here because the person who has passed meant a lot to me" It can mean "I am here because I've felt a similar pain". You may think your presence at a day like this doesn't have an impact but I can tell you from experience that it does. Those who take time to come share in a last farewell mean more to the family than can be put in to words. Even if you don't k...

Think twice before you talk to someone about their weight

I recently had someone comment about my weight.... I have gained about 30 pounds in the last months and I started this year doing something about it... but when this person made her comment.... I wanted to scream, cry and of course, eat. When you comment on someone's weight even if it is in "concern" for them, you are putting them in one of these situations. 1) They feel great the way they are, confident actually, and attractive and now you've cast doubt on all that. 2) They are already self conscious about it and you just made them feel worse. 3) They are aware they are over weight, are already on a diet or exercise plan but now you've made them question whether or not to continue because they don't want you to think they are losing it for you! You know those snide comments or "joking" comments you slip into conversation? Yea, you're not that sneaky and they can still hurt! Weight is a very personal thing and unfortunately a str...

Meeting My Birth Mom Part 2: The Gifts

After the initial meeting and conversation with my Bio Mom and her Husband, we met again to spend a majority of the following day together. This day didn't start as smoothly as the first, but there were still so many parts of the day that were like little gifts for me to open. Throughout this period of time of getting to know one another, I was able to see glimpses into the life of my bio grandparents and mom. This is a gift I treasure. I was able to learn of some of the hardships that were overcome by previous generations and present ones. A gift. I heard tales of tragedy, redemption and growth. A gift. It's like I was taken on a little journey of continued discovery about the threads that make up part of the fabric that I am, that my Bio Mom is, and where some of our strength to endure comes from. Even as she would tell stories about her parents and grandparents, hearing her tell them, gave me more clarity on who she is as well. How she remembers things, ...

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